Paraprosdokians

A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα-", meaning "beyond" and "προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.

An especially clever paraprosdokian not only changes the meaning of an early phrase, but also plays on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.

Examples
•	"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate." — Henry J. Tillman[1] 
•	"I belong to no organized party. I am a Democrat." — Will Rogers[2][3] 
•	"She got her good looks from her father, he's a plastic surgeon." — Groucho Marx 
•	"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it." — Groucho Marx 
•	"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas I'll never know." — Groucho Marx 
•	"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read." — Groucho Marx 
•	"Growing up, I didn't have any imaginary friends. They came later." — Shmuel Breban 
•	"I want to die like my father, quietly, in his sleep—not screaming and terrified like his passengers." — Bob Monkhouse[4] 
•	"I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too." — Mitch Hedberg 
•	"I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long." — Mitch Hedberg 
•	"I like going to the park and watching the children run and jump around, because you see, they don't know I'm using blanks." — Emo Philips 
•	"When I was 10 I beat up the school bully. His arms were in casts. That's what gave me the courage." — Emo Philips 
•	"If I could say a few words, I would be a better public speaker." — Homer Simpson[5] 
•	"If I am reading this graph correctly, I would be very surprised." — Stephen Colbert[6] 
•	"Mark my words. No, Mark, I really need my words." — Stephen Colbert 
•	"If all the girls at Vassar were laid end to end, I wouldn't be surprised." — Dorothy Parker 
•	"I don't mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that's how it comes out." — Bill Hicks 
•	"It's too bad that whole families have to be torn apart by something as simple as wild dogs." — Jack Handey 
•	"I blew a speaker in my car the other day. Yeah, I think he was a... motivational speaker. It left a bad taste in my mouth but I feel a lot more positive." — Doug Stanhope 
•	Paraprosdokians (Winston Churchill loved them) are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, frequently humorous. 

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right--only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault; I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify:' I put 'DOCTOR.'
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.